Project Manager and Software Quality Assurance

I have been on both sides - in delivery as well as in SQA - and I still not entirely convinced which side of the toast is buttered better! But I can empathize with both sides and laugh at both. Here is a WIP* look at how an SQA dictionary would look like for the project manager.

Audit - An inspection of accounting procedures and records; conducted to confirm that you are grossly overpaid

Black Box Testing - Also called *cat-with-eyes-closed* testing or *ostrich-with-head-under-sand* testing

Certification - The document that makes you feel a spade is a WMD (Weapon of Mass Destruction)

CiMAP - See Map to realize where you are at this time

CMM - Is passé. Has been sunset. Check CMMi

CMMi - A rehash of the old buzzword; check CMM

CoB - Cover ones Backside in case something goes terribly wrong; Sometimes refered to as Contingency of Business

Deviation - The work around to ensure that software can be released irrespective of its state

DPB - The Defect Prevention Board prevents you from generating defects for the duration of its meeting

Escalation - "You'd better do as I say, else…"

Estimates - Representing your gut feel in a scientific manner

Follow-up - Constant, ceaseless, irritating gnawing… a sure way to get things done. The precursor to escalation

FP - Important jargon to prove that you do have a gut feel

GDSN - A conglomeration of Management Terminology: Global, Design, Strategy and Note

Hand Over - An over hand tactic to facilitate underhand takeovers

Impact Analysis - Judging how badly the change you have made will blow up in your face

Judgement - Like a fingerprint; varies from person to person

KoM - Kick off Meetings; self explanatory; thick jeans recommended

Labeling - The beginning of the end. The formal way of saying " I am not going to trouble you any more for now. Let us renew our rivalries some time later…"

Measurement - Translating the abstract into numbers

Minutes - Representing the hours wasted through a mail

Mock Installation - A s/w installation done in jest

NC - Non Consensual; its chains and whips next…

OOP - Oops; leaked out of the Java handbook

Planning - Sorry; am not sure of that one; Is it something a PM should know?

Project Book - The one stop information repository

Project Office - The stewards in F1; responsible for the green lights and the chequered flag

Proposal - Usually done on bent knees; usually falls on deaf ears

Quality - Greek Mythology; the Godess of Perfection

Quality Manual - The quality Bible; written in Greek

Release - Opening Pandora's Box

Reporting - Dreaming up innovative reasons why you are so far behind schedule

Risk Management - The art of creating risks to keep people high on adrenaline and awake

Sampling - Working on the principle that one rotten apple in a bunch, rots the rest

Sigma - Sigma is the English 'S'; Six sigma is Six S; Repeat it fast enough and it becomes the road to success

Tracking - Usually done by dogs; What you should start doing if she is good looking

UCF - Unit Construction Form; Prepare this to realize how deep in s**t you are

Verification - Documented confirmation that things indeed do not work

Versioning - Various shades of the truth

Walk-through - Trespassing into someone else's property and questioning its legality

X-tension - The inevitable request on deadline day

Y - Why me?

Zzz - What training sessions on the dictionary above will inevitably evoke

* - Work in Progress